What left behind?

If you see my drawing on this photo, you may think I am going to talk about architecture, lost of culture & memories...yes! this is the original preference. But when I finally decided to post this photo, I am in a situation of whether to continue blogging or not?

This morning, the last week in October 2010, I am struggling whether this should be the last post and therefore I can complete my whole one year of blogging life perfectly...and then, after this post, what left behind?

I keep on asking myself, "coffeebreak by protoworkannie" will be vanished, lost in this internet world which only takes a few seconds via a years' time, but in reality, this is nothing compare with others. How about to myself, what left behind? 

A memory of sharing? A moment of joy?  A time to take a break? A chance to make friends? A channel to learn from others? A page to draw? ......A valuable experience in my life !

I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you to all followers & readers, reading this post in purpose or just by chance. Especially thanks to:


Wasaweb - he brings this blog alive, I can always enjoy good photos from his posts.
Patrice - her always support and brings sunshine to me, especially when I am depress.
Margg. - a little bird who whistle every morning so I can fly in my dream.


I have to take my break now, if one day...may be one morning, I start to write again, I wish you are still here. May God bless you all :)

Paradise Visa

I have this photo "sitting" in my file for a long long time, I always think it has already been posted, but whenever I checked my record, it was not.

May be I am having too many posts for telling people to take a break, eventually this scenery was etched onto my mind.

It's always enjoyable for us to prepare our vacation, especially after a hard working period. Starting from choosing a destiny, looking for companion, applying the annual leave, planning the itinerary......finally start packing... ; all make us so exciting but sometimes exhausting, too. 

I was busy in last month and still have to be ready on call in October for my site work, so I can't get a vacation any how, but I did travel to "paradise" with my "boundless visa". 

I went to a cafe at late dinner time, finished the tasteless dishes as expected; but when I was having my cup of coffee, looking window outside by my tire eyes and non-reacting body, I felt I was in paradise - a piece of glass separating the world outside, I left my work, my phone call...just behind this glass, right outside..."I am relaxing here, a corner in the last 15 minutes before it closed."

Some days later, I was walking on a street with my "dead shell", it was a place for local people who could only afford their basic living there, rarely enjoy a vacation - what we normally interpreted to be out of town. But I felt peaceful, just so relaxing to walk around, people living in reality, no crazing shopping, no high tea, no net-book, no i-phone...all back to basic - at that moment, I felt I was in paradise again.


See, I travel twice ! Simple and un-predictable. I am now having my "boundless visa" in my pocket at anytime, I hope you will get one too, it's free...enjoy :)

Something out there !

When we are walking in fog, fear, uncertain, danger...lots of thoughts rushing in, leading us to an imagination of something bad is waiting for us. Well, if you say, No! I am not, in a contrary, I will feel exciting, curious, expecting something special that is waiting for me; may be another heaven like garden in front, a man whom I loved, or a sunshine just right behind...Great, this is what I was & what I am now.


I was afraid of fog, especially right in the center of it, because I had an experience of total lost in mind when I was standing alone on the hill side and surrounded by a thick layer of fog which appeared suddenly, I couldn't see my friend and all the nearby environment within 1 foot. The feeling was horrible, seems I was in another planet and something bad was going to be happened - say "vanishing of myself". 


But if we can take a break , take a deep breathe and wait, the fog will gradually "run" away, everything becomes clear, or even a surprise for us - last time, a beautiful garden appeared right in front of me and sunshine. So, it may not be a dead end, it only depending of what we drive our expectation towards the good or the bad side.

Today, I may still feel helpless when I am in the fog again, but I am sure what I've expecting to see afterward is something good, so I can move on.
 

 

What's next?

It's not a problem for us to relax inside a train because we know what is the next station and what is our destination. But in our life, we always have the same question : What's next?

It is normal, say, for a student to start working in a company after graduate; an adult to get marry after dating and find his loved; to start a new job after quit the existing one; to be promoted after dedicating to a company for a certain years...but sometimes the next page of our life can be unexpected and out of our plan.

Relationship between friends/ lovers can be broken when both gets to know each other more,  instead of becoming steady and closer. No more job is waiting for us due to our age issue after quit the existing one; our dream that make us to work so hard day by day, hour after hour, cannot be achieved & suspended due to the sudden health attack, but the goal is nearly there, so close...all should not happen in our next step, there must be something wrong ?! And what's next, what shall we do?

Take a break -  I will say, then ready to face for another day. Life is the meaning of "happening", full of surprise no matter you enjoy it or not, if everything are well planned and happen as it is scheduled, what we've experience will only be a story of another person, not the life of our own - the unique creature in this planet.







 

Who ring the bell?

Life can be so peaceful when we are settle down and familiar with the routine. Job, house, car, savings, family & pets are all there, well planned; what we need to do is keep working hard to sustain all these conditions in a safe mode.

But how about if one day, everything is no more in the control of our hand? Unstable market, health problem, lost of job, broken relationship...it's just the start of a nightmare. No matter how hard we try to reverse the situation and wish all can be back to normal, we are still stuck into the dead end without a glimpse of light.

We need to take a break now, then you may notice someone who is ringing the bell right outside of your door, the door of your heart? Do you know them? "Mr. Change & his son Mr. Chance!"

We  do know them in a lot of occasions, but it needs too much courageous for us to open the door; because we know once we let the father in, we have to face unexpected changes, we don't know whether we can still have strength to walk through, especially at this exhausting moment. Could his son brought us a chance of survive or just another chance to be destroyed even further? 


Go now! just open it and let things to happen, it's the only chance for you to change the worst; don't wait or otherwise it will be too late.



 

Twilight Zone

Many years ago, there was a T.V. show called "Twilight Zone", talking about all supernatural things that happened in this area. I was attracted by every stories and not willing to miss any; but unfortunately, it showed only one season and finished, not like now a day, we can have 3 or 4 seasons, like House - my another favourite.

Everyday we will go through this twilight period, but may be we are usually in our school or company, especially for those who always need to O.T. like myself. When I started to have my own company, my working time is more flexible, so I can have more chance to enjoy this special moment of a day...which I loved most.

When the sun is gone in the afternoon sky, the "twilight blue" replace as a curtain behind; dull yellowish street lamp begins to glow, neon sign brings out all fabulous colour that reflect onto the street, it suddenly transform from a concrete surface to a semi-transparent one, seems it is not actually there. The air humidity is different now, the air flow is still but not forever, within a minute, you know somethings happening out there...it's not the end of a day, but just a start of another period.

Yes! I always stop in the center of the road whenever the "twilight blue" arrives, and wait for everything to happen...every time! It just totally capture my thought, I am addicted to it.

To me, this moment represents a miracle time to people who wish to take a break from a hard day, who want to remedy of anything done wrong in the afternoon, or who regret of what he said to his pal in the early morning...there is a chance in this special moment. When the sky turns into a deep dark blue, we can choose either stay still in our miserable or act to prepare for another new day.

 

Sudden Escape

Hong Kong people do have a weird habit : Shopping. You may say, why? this is normal, most of the people like shopping, don't you? I treat this as a weird habit because it happens during our long vacation as the major event, even our original plan is to take a break from our hard work so as to enjoy a pleasant moment with our loves. It finally turns out as a busy shopping trip, which is quite common in Hong Kong's  family and bring back an even more tired body when return home.

In year 2006, while I was still busy in a project, but accidentally discovered that there would be 4 days clear from the schedule. An idea prompted up from my head: if I turned away from my computer now, gave a call to my travel agent, might be I could find two tickets to Phuket.


It happened within 24 hours from waiting list to step onto the plane, and here we were - a remote hotel in Phuket.

When I was sitting there, I still couldn't believe I had already left my office chair. I had no planning of what to do here, no schedule but only a sudden escape that I wanted. The sky in front of me was so blue, the air was still and peaceful, so tranquil; it took a few hours for me to settle my mind, to turn off my working machine, so relax!


I think sometimes we do need to have such kind of "sudden escape" as I call it, no itinerary. Do whatever the first thing that comes up to your mind when you wake up each morning; enjoy the simple fresh breakfast, free sun light and sea breeze, listen bird song every minute, covered by a light aroma of lovely flowers everywhere, learn the speech of tree in the wind......I am afraid my thought is having a "sudden escape" now......

Can we survive?

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We all once dream to leave our parents, have a place of our own, a totally free and private area that we can enjoy our freedom.  

But when face of the reality, we can only gain a small space in high rent; we have to do our daily laundry, cleaning, maintenance, cooking...,etc, etc. All power goes to bundle of human issues, company politics, day and day traveling, leaving behind is an exhausted body sitting in our super mini apartment in front of our one and only one window.

What a difficult life? Is this what we want? 

Take a break, grab a cup of coffee and sit down, look around...I think, Yes! even this is not a luxury place, it is my tiny space that allow me to make my dream, to work hard for achieving my goal. I still can find a corner here to escape from hurt or sad......even it is not luxury.

Life may not be the same as those in fairy tale, but it is so real for us to experience...starting from our "dream corner".

My "life pattern"

Here I am, my "life" to share :)

Connected or disconnected ?

Each time when I've visited Japan and saw these cable pole, I will take a break to look for the greatest angle of perspective view that can be found along the street. I love the rhythm of wire connected pole one after another till to the far end and all disappear in a single vanishing point.

I will imagine they are peoples appear in different period of my life; at that moment, we are connected, their existing become the ripples of my lake, and therefore my life was built eventually. One day when I still think we are connected, part of them were disconnected sometime someday in silence. 


My friend said : let go, it used to be happened in each of us; nothing has to regret, it's just a natural phenomenon.

Yes, it's true, I accepted and continue to walk, I once again look at my picture, the perspective is still as beautiful as before, even some of the cables are disconnected, they did take part to create this amazing scenery in their moment of connecting, that is life; a never ending connection to all people who once bring you joy or sad.

Let me out

Do any of us once thought of these...?

When we were a kid: other kids might live better in a  larger house, has more beautiful clothing, more toys, more chance to travel and a better parents...

When we were a teenager:  other young ladies might has a more beautiful face thus has more chance to find a better job, and of course can choose a better boy friend...

When we have our own blog: others might has more talent in writing, more nice photographs, more followers, more readers willing to comment = more traffic...

When we have our family: other guys might has a more beautiful and helpful wife, more lovely children, more easy handle pet...

When we get old and ready to die: other people might has more fruitful of family members, better retirement life, a nicer land for RIP...

We always have an illusion that there must be something better and nicer outside,  and what we are having right now that can not be compared with.  We just want to break the glass, rush out to experience what we think other peoples might enjoying, even we know that we neglect all the bad side emotionally. If we can't we will blame others who don't let us leave no matter what the reasons are.

I myself may still have such silly thoughts now a day, but I will take a break from all the imaginations and have a quick review of my life again. What I usually end up will be back to the reality, treasure what I am having, looking for improvement when I am ready to take the challenge; I am sure the reward that I've got after my hard work will be more concrete, not only reflects the good side, but the power to overcome the bad side as well.

The way home

In Chinese, we say 鳥倦知還, meaning when a bird flying anywhere, once it feels tire, it will return to it's nest. If reflect to a human, he or she will know the way home after passing his /her wild life.

To us, it may not be that extreme of being live in an uncontrollable or irresponsible life. But we may once leave our home sweet home, rushing into this secret world that is waiting for our exploration and discovery; to look for self value, respectful, excitement, freedom, ......when we were young. Did you?


Or we may not act in such a physical way, but let our free mind fly every where in the universe, then after knowing an infinity of new stuffs, receiving uncountable of new data, then what next?Try to apply those in our life? Try to act like what we admire?Without anyone to be responsible for, how free and amazing it would be.

Some people do have these kind of experience, by not setting any target, just go wherever there is a way out towards the world, to start their adventure without regret; instead of living like other people in a standard life cycle of studying, working, married, saving for house, car, pet and waiting to get old. They may gain or lose after all, but one day, they have to stop like Forest Gump stop running, take a break and find their way home. A place that always open to wait for their return, because there is our destination......our family.

Insist stubborn

W

When I saw this van, the first picture came to my head was red heated charcoal all around those nice sweet potatoes, you could smell from very far away on the street corner, feel the warmth,  and you just couldn't wait to buy one for a big bite immediately, especially during Winter time.

I am not sure whether they are still using charcoal these days, I guess and I wish they insist, because the taste of sweet potato will be different, if it isn't.

Year 2010, my own career is still being affected by the financial crisis. People and friends keep on telling me that I shall stop working as a design consultant only, but working with build, too; i.e. a main contractor, to gain more client and money. I do struggle for a while, I even plan to see if it is feasible; but when I look at this photo, I take a break from my worries and remind myself something once again that I insisted in the past 20 years......

......to be a design consultant, because I am a designer not a contractor even people say there is no conflict in this two roles, but actually it does. I am stubborn, even I don't have much work to do while the market is changing and my client can't /don't want to afford a design professional any more; and I am sure for some days later, I may come to a financial difficulties as a result. But what is the point to have my own company if I can't insist to be myself?

Will the sweet potato seller earn more living if it was being modernize with electrical equipment? or computerized? Yes! but I am sure he won't...that is what people's thought of his (my) stubborn, we guess.

No risk no gain?

I am addicted to Facebook game after I discovered there is no point to continue invite or connect real friends, who you've actually will keep contact in your daily life. So I just concentrate to a game call "Restaurant City".

This is a game for operating a virtual restaurant or cafe, you can have bigger shop area with more staff by operating day after day to gain your virtual coins and level up. You will have to pay your staff by feeding them after working each 4 hours, you have to buy or exchange ingredients to cook your dishes; and the most attractive part is...you can shop and buy to decorate.

I am not surprise of how this game attracts so many people to play, that can fulfill their shopping wishes and cafe dream. Basically you will never lose and have no pressure to run this business, even if you do nothing and just online every day 24hours, you will gain your shop area and level up. In case you forget to feed your staff, they "died" but can "live" again whenever you feed them. So there is absolutely a risk free business. Will any of player gain an experience to open a cafe in the real world? I just wonder!

I won't play full day, as I do need to take a break from the virtual world and back to reality to face my real risk; but if you ask what do I gain? I can tell besides of layout practice and the pleasure, it will be patience and self control...I am sure you know what I mean.

One at a time

Monday is always the most busy day of the week. I am a rush lady, when there are some tasks stuck up in my brain, I will get rush and want to finish them all at once. This is killing me, because my blood pressure will rise immediately follow with a quick heart beat, then I have to sit down and figure out what is really urgent that should come first in my schedule before I "died".

I have this bad habit since I had my career. The good side is I usually finish my task earlier than it should = rarely miss the deadline, which is very important to me as in the design field; but the truth is, actually I have enough time to finish one by one, rather then complete some of them simultaneously to increase my work load.

Worst of all, this bad habit affects my daily life,too. Say each Monday when I am back to my office, I will want to turn on all lights, copier, printer, air conditioner, server, computer, wash cups, boil water, charge mobile, check email, reading blogs, write blog, flip today's calendar, water the plants......all at once. I know it is insane and no need, but, I do have this feeling to push me through; now, I will take a break after turn on the light, take a big breath, act one after the other.

Although I have to force myself of having a more controllable work path, I do think this is a must, to learn acting one thing after the other. To gain a bit more time of thinking, a chance of changing to the matter which seems no hope; like standing in front of a soft drink vending machine, all sorts of drinks are there, even if you want more than one, you still need to purchase one by one. You may want to select another taste when the one just comes out from the machine, so why hurry to have two or three at the same time?

 

No more tears

This photo was taken on a beach in front of a hotel located in Phuket, year 2006. These flowers were attractive because they were growth after the Indian Ocean tsunami disaster in 2004.

Here, Nai Yang Beach was not the major affected area during that disaster, but still, the beach was destroyed and was still under reconstruction when I had visited. Staff were busy in their seasonal maintenance, and began to replant in the sand. Gardening and decoration could be re-built, for the sea itself, it was not suitable for swimming yet, it needed more time to recover, like people who lived and worked there.

Whenever I took a break, stood there, and looked at these flowers; the big contrast of the desert like beach to these pure and dedicate petal would remind me how fragile life could be compared with the power of nature, but on the other hand, life could also be as tough as a "Flaming Phoenix" that reborn if only if we have belief......Blessing to Haiti.

Beautiful life

A lot of people said, they own their life, so they will live as they wish. How to live in such a short period? 50 years, 60 or 80 years...... are all depends of what we want it to be like.

We may wish to achieve success in our career, at least be a successful person in others' eye; so we keep on studying, work hard, being promoting, again and again until we get reach to the desire level as we think we should be.

We may wish to be accepted as part of the group, so we talk like them, think like them, dress like them; play what they play, ignore what they hate until we think we were in.

We may wish to tell others that we are meaningful and our life is full of fruitful rewards, so we arrange thousand and thousands of task for ourselves to achieve; helping others, learning new things, doing exercise, seek for new friends, participate in all events, chasing all new or hot technology...until we get exhausted and seems we are not wasting a minute.

Are these wrong? No! definitely not, there is no right or wrong of how we live as far as we know why & enjoy. But if we can take a break, I would like to ask, will it be nice if we can live as simple as a sunflower, it's life time is short, it is small, no pleasant aroma, fragile; but blossoms to reflect it's best, has confidence in her face, be what she is , being true to herself as simply as a small flower who wake up by the sun every morning, the only one task is to deliver the warm to anyone who meet her,I think...... this is a beautiful life.

Hi ! Stranger

Have you ever fear of one day when you wake up, you are no more in a place that you are familiar with? I am not talking about travel or work in other countries, but your hometown, the place where you've grown up.

I had this fear since Hong Kong was returned to China in 1997; and recently, this uncomfortable feeling do affect my daily life.

I love H.K. very much, I grown up here, we have our local culture as a small city, we work hard and play hard,too. This small international city was built bit by bit though different generations, so naturally.

These days, everything around me are so weird. The most frequent heard language is Mandarin, limousine buses to China cities everywhere on the street follow by hundred and hundreds of people nearby, bicycle rider on the pedestrian, fake products occupy the low end market; rarely international T.V. advertisement but wine, snack & health product from China. When I walk to the tourist area that used to be like Tsim Sha Tsui & Causeway Bay, what I can find are extraordinary luxurious brands target to big spender from China, too. Our city is operating only to serve our motherland - China.

I know this is the fact that I have no hope to change, but before I become a total stranger to this place, I wish I can take a break, just for one day, one hour or one minute, back to the H.K. that I loved, the place that I would like to spend the rest of my life there and stop being criticize like a "devil".

Vanishing Beauty

When I saw this on the grassland of a park in Japan, I thought it was a manhole cover; when I walked closer, it's not what I thought but a decor or a sign - a beautiful metal piece with bird, tree, sakura and the park's name.

You may say "why bother?"if comparing with the size of the park, this icon is so small even visitor may not aware of it's existing.

Actually this is something that I admire - detailing with sense of beauty. Not only Japanese, there were lots of good craftsmen found in Europe, or even old Chinese; they had technique as well as good sense of beauty, but are now vanishing !

Technology creates new materials which control the outlook of the end product, see what we've got in our modern architecture ? curtain wall, curtain wall and lifeless curtain wall......designers or architects are no more working by their design sense, but the availability of product or technique in the market.Where are the architecture master like Gaudi who left us the marvelous Sagrada Familia, Guell Park, Casa Batllo'? Human feel stone structure with fine metal details......

Hey! protowork annie, you must be insane, we are in the year 2010; there is no luxury time waste for such an art piece. We need "landmark" that draw money to our city !!

I know, but I just want to take a break from the reality of what money oriented lifestyle that surround me; and that's why I can only write a post to express my never come true desire here.
I will wake up then, just give me one more minute.

Secret Garden

Walking in Akihabara of Tokyo, it's quite the same as other small modern city; lots of people, mini size residential, lots of small shops, promotion advertisement everywhere. A stunning scenery that attracts me...greenery around hundred steps of staircase among red brick architecture, that leads to a Torii ( A traditional Japanese Shinto gate) in bright red, I think there must be a shrine behind, a place for city people to find their peace of mind if only if they are willing to take a break.

We have our own secret garden, too; a place deep into our heart, where we can be true to ourselves. We can take off our mask, no matter it's the role of an employee, a father, a wife, a professional, a son, a friend, a lover, a supporter......we can express our happiness, sorrow, depress, anger, fear...without affecting anyone.We can also gain recovery, rejuvenate our body and mind by just load down our burden for a little while.

It's not difficult to create one, but never ever stuck into it and refuse to come out and face the reality anymore, or otherwise we will make such an amazing place as a trap in our life, a place where we refuse to grow up......this is for sure not the intention of a "secret garden".